Dear Mississippi Monster

You think you can break me. You took my children from me once and I thought you would break me. When my mind cleared from the abuse and the picture was clear, I wanted to die from the nightmares of rape. And then I realized something you will never understand. I can survive ANYTHING for my children.

When you took Levi and then Euterpe, I woke up every day clawing for air to breathe again. Not a day since you stole them has that panic and suffocation subsided. Not one day have I forgotten the damage you have done to their hearts. Every day I have guided their siblings to love them in my stead until I can help them remember how much I love them again.

Yesterday, Dinah commented that even after all you have done, Clio went to you happily when you stole her. I was dumbfounded. The children you did not steal love you because *I* have fought tooth and nail to shield them from the monster you are, to facilitate a relationship and to even now guide you in your total lack of empathy to fake love. The image you carry as a “good” father is the one *I* created, not you.

I am sure you think Clio’s silent treatment is an extinction burst. You are wrong. She hates you and I have tried to preserve something different despite all of the horrible and abusive behavior you demonstrate. Unlike you, I do not want children to feel they must choose a parent to align with.

However, never again will I facilitate and mask who and what you are to protect them. And as your life falls into Lord of the Flies, you will be poor, exhausted, and shown for the incompetent parent you always were.

In the meantime, I will use this time to tie cords of love to sustain them and to ground them. I will organize my house in ways I could not while actively parenting. And I will use the temporarily relief from the financial stranglehold to recover.

You have the maturity of a four year old. You have never parented for an extended period of time and have no concept of what that even means. And the best statement anyone had about you was your clean house….because no children were there making messes and you pay a housekeeper because they nailed you for a house far worse than mine. And even then clean is only because they only come announced so you can ensure it’s clean.

Winning is a chess game to you, one that Margaret plays far better than you ever will. You forgot your chess pieces are living breathing children who must be parented once you steal them. And you have so little capacity to love you missed something even bigger. Moore sees how much you have hurt all of these children. He hates you for that. He has begged for 18 months for someone to give him the key he needs to slam the cage on you. When we come back, Margaret will give him exactly what he has been waiting for. You will be done and my babies will be safe, even the two stolen babies.

I am stronger than you. You would have killed your self like the coward you are long before now. You are so focused on trying to hold onto me, to control me, to hurt me, you lack any understanding of what strength, courage and integrity look like. You think you have won and have no concept of what that means. But you are too devoid of humanity to grasp that I will merely rise up stronger.

I told Daddy that Margaret is pissed and now calling the shots. She guided Dinah yesterday to ensure you lost your biggest victory of cutting me off and running into the holidays so it would be prolonged. Moore forbad any of the lawyers from leaving until I had access to them again. And you learned nothing from Moore yelling at one of your bitches because things said and witnessed by lawyers cannot be lied about later and your refusal to let any of these babies have Thanksgiving at Margaret’s for nothing but spite will go on the record. And you have spent so long trying to destroy Milly’s world to take away the financial backing that fights you. You have no concept that you made Dinah hate you so much so long ago that she does this for free. And you forgot what Margaret is capable of.

It is no longer a matter of if we will bring the biggest guns to court to permanently shut you down. It is a matter of strategy and the best experts that you cannot possibly counter. You con barely women who swoon and join your harem. Moore is not that. Margaret brings experts with years and credentials and experience and all of the things Moore had looked for all along. And she gave Dinah the missing puzzle piece to communicate with me as I lose my social skills in the midst of this. But just as importantly, Margaret brings the only mother I have ever had. Margaret brings my safe place and her own record of beating monsters exactly like you. Margaret advocates for children. It’s her life’s work. You are not even remotely the first monster she has battled. She battles monsters for other children simply because someone must. She will battle you because these are my children, her children, children you do not deserve.

And we will win. Because you have no concept that winning has nothing to do with removing you but neutralizing you. Unlike you, we do not fight to win and beat you. We fight to protect these babies, all eight of these babies. And removing you will hurt them as much as your actions do. Leaving you but neutralizing your ability to harm in this way will make them stronger, able to recognize healthy versus unhealthy and able to see through lies and manipulations for the rest of their lives. And the more your goal is to remove me and ours is to neutralize you, the more you lose your mask. And trust me, your harem hurt you and sacrificed their own careers already. When the judge stops testimony to point out you are LYING and you keep right on lying, you will never have a strong career again.

You never understood me. I will not give up. I will not lay down and wait to die. Yes, I will have moments of despair . I will have times when I curl up and want to die, and so will my babies. But I will stand back up and keep fighting back. This is temporary and Moore was VERY clear about that. When he learns you and your harem have hidden the Autism while using it to target and discriminate, and the Calvary shuts you down, Moore will protect these babies and will shut down all of your power to do this again.

You don’t know what I know. Forbidden to try to learn what happened when Moore spoke with all but Calliope and Simeon, you did everything you could to violate that warning and got reported to Moore himself. I got snippets given to me slowly and over time. I know FAR more about Moore’s plans than you ever will because Moore listened to our children and it’s been long enough that the two stolen children have lost the outward presentation of what my Love gives them and Moore can see it. He knows you are a terrible parent and while you and your harem tell him that I am a terrible parent, our children are testimony to something else entirely. He already ruled and you don’t know it. He is merely trying to be certain that you are lying in your claims that something changed and because of my slip up of admitting to the empty inhaler because I was desperate to stop exactly this, he is forced to let you win for this moment. But he knows only a monster would want a victory like this.

You will never understand love. And you will die lonely and alone. And I do not care because they are all that matter to me. And I will not only survive but fight for them.

Fuck you,

Alice

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