I want to run away

I want to leave. I just want to pack my bags and disappear without saying goodbye. I think it would be easier that way, not saying goodbye. No tears and no guilt trips. I don’t belong here anymore. This old town makes me suffocate and it’s so hard to get a grasp.

Yes, this city made me the person that I am today but it is also the same place where I lost myself. I live in a never ending cycle of dealing with the same people. It’s the same faces everywhere because there’s nowhere else to look. In this small town, everyone knows every single one.

I want to run away and disappear. I mean, it would be easy since my whole life I’ve been running away from everything. Maybe it’s not just the place, maybe I want to run away from myself too because I’m also the problem. I could just cut people off and not participate in the cycle, but I don’t. Maybe I’m the toxic one. I keep saying that I’m tired of it and yet I still go out every night to get drunk and sleep with random guys I meet at a club. I regret it the next day and ask myself “what’s wrong with you?” but I just brush it off then repeat. I never took the time to pause and think for a second because my main escape would be just drowning myself in alcohol. That’s how I run away from my problems.

I want to start a new life where people don’t know my name. Free to express myself and could finally breathe again in a place where I could call mine.

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